So I finally feel the way I used to, cared for like someones looking out for me again, shouldnt that be enough. Why when one thing is going fine the rest of you falls apart, why cant everything just be!
Yet again everything is you, ive just reeled off a whole list to Lucy in the car and now I cant think of anything I was saying. I just know that everything would be so easy for me now if you were here, for a start it would be you I was talking to and not my blog. Why does nobody else understand how I feel about you. Why am I so easily lead, ive made so many mistakes this year, im not going to let this be one of them. I only see you, nobody else can see u or has seen you, its like your a dream. there opinions can be bitter and harsh, id never tell you what others think, it would break your heart and i dont want you to be influenced by the reality either. so in a way im taking it all on, by thinking one thing and being influenced by another.I spoke to you today and felt so happy all day, then it takes one comment from someone close to me to turn all that upside down, truth is i shouldnt care, but i do, im a follower always have been and im weak. i have my own opinion until someone shares theres. its just so difficult i really am done caring its only me and you, but then its only me, its only me here, im the one that deals with the reality, in truth your hiding from it, in a way its easier for you.
its not like i didnt try to move on, i tried ever so hard, i tried so much that it made me sad, because people said i had to experience my life. they say they hated to see me wait like i was waisting my time, cant they see i was happier then, when i knew what i wanted and it all made sense to me. now i dont know whos opinion to follow my own or theirs and which one makes sense.
and so what if things are going to be hard in the future, it cant be half as bad as loving someone when you cant be with them.
i know im the type of person that will support someone even if its the wrong thing they are doing, because i know if i was in their situation id want them to do the same for me.
mabye im just a romantic.......mabye i think to much.....well i know i think to much.....but thinkings the only way I can be near to you. why did u contact me at that point, why not sooner, why then, just when i was finally feeling free from it all.... then im straight back where i was before. and why now, when everyone around me has somebody, and im lonely, its like a test!
whyy that film, and that song? is it all linked, is it trying to point me, is it karma! i know its something, everything adds up and takes me to you, i know i exaggerate but im not exaggerating when i say everything around me leads me back to you. whenever i stray or become misled in any way theres something that strikes me, a song, a car, a feeling, anything really.
i just ache, and i hurt in places i didnt know i had. i want you to save me, bring me back up, bring out the best in me, you were always good at that. i want somebody to understand, i dont want to feel like im just plodding on, i want to laugh and mean it. i want it all to feel worth it, i dont want each day to be a waste, to be a pointless waste of my time. i just want you, end off!
XxX
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