Loose You!

Loosing yourself isnt a lot like loosing your purse....
Its when you feel the least like yourself, like the person you used to look like, the person you used to be. Its different to growing up, its like growing into yourself. Now looking in the mirror is like looking at a passer by. Its wierd to think once I was so certain of what I looked like.... what i wanted...who I was, I was almost determined!! Its something always there preying on my mind, even if its not the first thing I wake up believing that morning! All the things i used to love dont interest me anymore, I cant motivate myself to do them because they make me sad! I feel like im constantly trying to change myself to make me happier, always trying to find something and somebody to make me feel that way again. What if I need to find you again, get to know you to feel real again. Theres no denying im happy, some days I laugh so much my stomach hurts, and im living a life now where there are no worries for me. But mabye I used to love the hastle, that excitement of always having something to think about, to keep me on my toes. Im excited to see if real happiness is waiting this long to have something come back to you, youve always wanted soo badly, to prove to you the fairytale your living is real!
I think these feelings have never left me, but there chasing me as I try my hardest to move on. Its strange to think that you had so much power over my life that I never recognised before now, not a bad power just a hold on me, and somehow it all leads back to you.... you were always there even though a hundred miles away from me!

'Sometimes you have to start again....in order to fly'I thought starting again would be simple and an escape from the small reminders that are home to me. A whole new life would be soooooo easy to do, sooo easy to block you out, find the person I was without you. I know I lost myself when I gave all of me to you, gave you all of me, everything I could give to you I did without ever a second thought! Now I feel like theres nothing left of me to give to another!